Strength for Sensitives

  • Letting Go of People You Don’t Need


    It seems kind of cruel when I put it that way, doesn’t it? Maybe that is why I avoided it to begin with.  But it is actually soooo necessary!

    You see, in this new-fangled world of social media and easy to find and contact people from every are of and time frame in life, it can be easy to allow people into your “circle” who just shouldn’t be there.

    As I heal myself, I am finding it easier to get rid of those people who drain me or who just don’t belong in my world.

    Tweet: As I am healing myself, I am finding it easier to get rid of those people who drain me or who just don't belong in my world.


    Like everyone else, I have people from my past (and present) who are not at all friendly, or who I just get a weird vibe from. As a business woman, I was letting people who did not at all resonate with me or my message  – or who were this side of downright rude – stay on my pages because I wanted more “Likes.”

    I’ve decided that I can allow myself to drop these people from my world. I don’t need them – and I honestly don’t want them on my pages or in my life. And I am cool with it!

    I used to see denying those friend requests as being mean or rude in some way; now I know that it is kind of like pruning my life for the sake of my health. It’s enforcing my boundaries. It is protecting my space.

    If I see a post from someone who irritates me, it drags my energy down. THAT is something that I don’t need at all. I want to be surrounded by people who make me smile, make me happy, help me heal, and who bring positive messages into my life.

    I’ll admit that there are people I adore whose views are totally different from mine and I want to keep them in my life or in my newsfeed. In those cases, I simply scroll through whatever they’ve posted that offends me or I even block it from my feed if I find it particularly disturbing. No biggie. I have decided that I don’t need to waste my energy trying to change anyone’s viewpoint – I have accepted the fact that I will love the person even if I don’t agree with the politics of that person. It makes things easier.

    As I heal myself, I know that who I surround myself with is important – and I want to be around people who contribute to my life in a positive manner. Gently releasing people who don’t fit the bill is liberating and helps me to feel stronger, more powerful, and much more positive.


  • The Ickyness of Assertiveness – DO NOT CAVE IN!

    Man oh man, it can be so difficult to stick with the boundaries you’ve created – especially if you are a Sensitive Soul, Earth Angel, or Lightworker – because enforcing those boundaries can totally suck.

    Really. You might doubt yourself, your motives, your worth. You’ll likely think, “Who am I to want/desire/deserve all of this that I have created for myself?” and “I am being such an awful, mean, horrible, greedy bitch.”

    And others might actually TELL you that you are horrible, rotten, unfair, unworthy, mean… etc. They will question WHY and IF you actually need your resources for yourself, and they will try to make you feel like crap for restricting their access to your stuff!

    Close friends, lovers, relatives, longtime business partners who know you well will totally know which buttons to push and how to make you feel guiltiest about putting yourself first – it is an unfortunate truth. This is because they KNOW your kind soul and your deepest and most secret thoughts about your self-worth, they have a history with you, and they know exactly how to pull your strings to get you to give in.



    Others – people in the fringes of your life – will continue to poke and pester you for the freebies, time, volunteering, work that you normally would have “generously donated” to them because they didn’t understand what an imposition on your time and energy their requests were or they simply didn’t care.

    You, my dear, are going to have to be FIRM. You will have to uphold your boundaries and RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO GIVE IN!

    And standing unwaveringly in the face of guilt inducing or even hostile opposition can be soooooo hard!

    I’ll tell you that the feelings you have might about enforcing your boundaries will range from uncomfortable to downright unbearably painful! Putting yourself first is likely WAY outside of your comfort zone. That’s why you are here, isn’t it?

    Historically speaking, you might have worked to avoid confrontation at all costs. You might have been willing to continuously give everything you had to others so that they didn’t have to be uncomfortable. You might have been easily finagled into a YES when you really meant NO. You might have been known for caving.

    Now all that is changing. Now you are willing to say NO when you mean NO. Now you are willing to recognize your totally legitimate right to your fair slice of the pie! Those changes might throw others off and they will need to adjust.

    Change can be uncomfortable – and changing your behavior in a way that affects others can be really uncomfortable. Remember that as you firmly and consciously defend your boundaries. Everyone in your life will eventually adjust – and those who don’t might not need to be in your life to begin with.

    Need some support while you are creating and upholding your boundaries? I can help! Schedule an Everything You Need session, and get advice and support from all angles! Click here for details!


  • Anger is Your Friend



    OK – I know this notion is going to sound crazy to some people.

    See, we have vilified anger for centuries. We have extolled its negative traits and aspects and totally ignored its virtues. We have made it out to be a dangerous, harmful, unwelcome feeling and we have encouraged it to be stifled and suppressed. We have even tied feelings of guilt and shame to a completely normal and healthy emotion – and it is hurting us individually and as a society.

    Anger is normal. I repeat: ANGER IS NORMAL. It is a completely natural reaction to stimuli, just like joy, laughter, and happiness. Unlike joy, laughter, and happiness which result from positive occurrences in life, anger responds to negative and frustrating stimuli.

    The problem is not anger itself, but the fact that the consistent suppression and avoidance of anger has rendered us incapable of PROCESSING and USING this strong and powerful emotion. Instead of recognizing the fact that we can refine and direct our anger toward making positive changes in life, we avoid it all together. People equate anger with violence and explosion – results that absolutely represent our inability as a whole to control and use anger as a catalyst.

    When my anger comes, I want to embrace it! I want to see it as an indication that I feel slighted, hurt, used; I want to see it as an indication that someone or some circumstance is unfair to or threatening me and I want to use it to foster change.

    Now here is the thing – I have to learn to breathe through the explosive, violent, vengeful feelings or thoughts that anger breeds. I have to inhale and exhale mindfully and think of how to best use my anger. I have to be rational and control my urge to lash out – or else I have to find a constructive way to use that urge.




    Of course, I can just let it out right away, directing it precisely at its intended target. Maybe that is the key we are missing in working with anger: Conscious and deliberate, CALM, rational, and focused expression toward the person who caused the anger to begin with.

    Let’s say that again… Conscious and deliberate, calm, rational, and focused expression of anger and frustration toward the person who caused the discomfort to begin with.

    This means talking to the people who brought us to the point of a tissy in the first place – quickly – not exploding, NOT SHOVING THE EMOTION DOWN.

    When we suppress and repress our natural feelings, we create an unhealthy environment inside and outside of ourselves. Our relationships suffer. We project our anger onto innocent bystanders, like our children or the goshdarned telemarketers.

    It is the equivalent of filling up a cave inside ourselves with a whole bunch of explosive emotion, and add to that scattered pieces of guilt, frustration, negative energy. Every time we think about the person or the situation tied to our anger, it just throws more tinder and explosives into the cave. Every time we think about the frustrations linked to the situation that made us mad to begin with not only causes a little explosion inside, but also loads in more shrapnel and ammunition and booby traps of shit feelings and even more anger.

    THAT is what makes anger dangerous, really – well, aside from not learning how to constructively deal with it in the first place.

    You see, when we have that cave full of explosive feeling and all kinds of scattered and sharp emotions that we keep adding to, and we finally get either to the point of dealing with it or it gets ignited because it is just too full… well, you can see how that would turn ugly quick.

    Releasing explosive, angry, pent up emotion without any skill in expressing or venting it can get violent. It can get loud. It can get scary. It can be directed at the wrong people.

    Continuing to shove it down can quietly eat a person alive from the inside out by continuing to blaze within – never being released, causing internal damage.

    Unexpressed anger and frustration has been shown to link to a variety of illnesses, including liver disease, digestive disorders, TMJ, heart disease, depression, cancer, suicide, addictive behaviors, and a host of other issues. (

    It is well documented that pent up exasperation and rage hurt the person holding onto these kinds of feelings.

    So why hold onto anger and frustration at all? Why not recognize the power of negative emotions and learn how to use it constructively?

    Just think about it for a moment. Fire can be a destructive force, or it can be a useful force – the same with explosions! An explosion can destroy a car or it can propel a car. Anger can hurt everyone around you – including yourself – or it can be used as a tool for refining your life.

    I know which I would prefer…

    If you need help with transforming your anger and frustration into positive catalysts for life change or help with expressing it productively, click here to schedule an appointment!


  • The NICE Doormat – Forget that noise!

    I'm NOTaDoormat!

    Are you letting other people step all over you so that you can be the “nice one”? Cut that out! Really!

    This is one thing that I know from TONS of experience!

    You decide – from the kindness of your heart – that you are just going to give up your rights to things like gas money, payback for a loan, costs for replacing something someone else destroyed, child support, rent from a relative, your rights – all because you just want to be nice and you don’t really want to cause ripples.

    That whole ripple causing thing totally sucks. Standing up for yourself can be really uncomfortable – especially if you are not used to doing it.

    Oh yeah. I know. I did this soooo many times.

    • I let my daughter’s father off the hook for more than $20,000 in child support because – well because I didn’t want to make an issue of it and I made the decision to keep my daughter and raise her. He didn’t want to pay me even though he wanted to be the first one to make plans to see her and take her away for visitation every. single. time. we visited Indiana, where he and most of my family live. Oh yeah. If I didn’t call him the day we landed he would go bananas.
    • I let unmentioned people off of thousands of dollars of debt toward me because I felt that they needed it worse than I did – only to have them hem, haw, and drag their feet when my situation shifted and I actually NEEDED the dough.
    • I let people off of  paying me for my services even though they had made the promise to pay me or to advertise for me.
    • I let people off for missing repeated appointment times with me or being late or just plain old screwing me over for time because I didn’t want to make a fuss.

    And you know what? That stuff ticks me off soooo bad – SO BAD! I am fuming just thinking about it! And that is why I don’t allow it anymore.

    If you are anything like me – and I bet you are because you are here reading about how to find strength in your sensitivity, then I bet you have played the NICE DOORMAT many, many times in your life.

    I bet you are just as fed up and as frustrated with it as I was – but you aren’t sure that you really want to put your own needs forward because that would require potentially making some serious waves – we are talking hang-ten, surfer paradise, giant waves – maybe even tsunamis- and you don’t want to rock the boat even a little.

    Well, guess what Sunshine, that person who is walking all over you probably ain’t gonna stop until you stand yourself up and start taking care of your own needs.

    That is what this is about: Making sure that your needs get taken care of, too.

    Sure, you can be a nice guy and say, “oh, don’t bother… just forget I asked… well, I know it is difficult for you right now…”

    But let me ask you some questions…

    • When is it your turn?
    • When are you going to take care of yourself?
    • Will you continue to set your needs aside for the needs of others?
    • Are you waiting for Karma to hand you a nice little present for all of your goodness?

    Not to poke at Karma at all, because Karma knows that you are a really nice person to begin with. Karma also knows that the butthead that is walking all over you is a butthead. A little Karma isn’t going to stop that person from taking every ounce of advantage of you possible while you are so busy being nice.

    Let me ask you another question. How does all that being nice really feel deep down in your belly? Does it feel good and happy (if so, then you probably don’t need to read any further) – or does it make you feel like beating melons with sledgehammers or freaking crying yourself a river and floating away? I have a feeling I know the answer to that question.




    You see, being nice at your own expense doesn’t make you feel good. It doesn’t win you any Karmic brownie points. It certainly doesn’t make people respect you.

    What it does is freaking makes you push all of that sadness, all of that anger, guilt, frustration, incredulousness toward the way you are being treated down deep into your belly. It can make you think less of yourself. It can make you disrespect yourself – that disrespect shows and is the starting point for how others treat you. It can make you SICK.

    It certainly doesn’t serve you.

    And you can AVOID this all together!!! Seriously.

    Let me give you a totally awesome secret to dealing with this.

    I am going to ask you another question:

    What would you tell your best friend to do if he or she were in your shoes?


    What would your advice to someone you love be about how to handle what you, yourself are going through?

    • Would you tell your bestie to just leave it and move on, or would you tell him to get up and slug it out?
    • Would you tell her that she has rights too that she needs to stand up for, or would you tell her to just deal with it and move on?
    • Would you tell him to go after what is legally or morally his, or would you tell him to just forget it?
    • Would you tell her to just pay all that extra cash for someone else’s… (bill, rent, outfit, mistake), or would you tell her that she needs to figure out a way to get her money back or paid in the first place.
    • Would you tell your friend to get paid for her services, or would you encourage her to continue to give freebies and let people off for the money they owe her?

    See, I KNOW Sensitive Souls! I KNOW that you would be totally, 100% encouraging your friends to stand up for themselves and their rights.

    So why don’t you do that for yourself? Why don’t you take your own good advice and run with it?

    Listen, I have gone through this exact. same. situation. one too many times, and that is one of the reasons I started this Strength for Sensitive Souls program. I know exactly what you are going through – how you just want to be the nice person and not create such a fuss.

    But seriously. The doormat schpiel costs you money, time, health, self-esteem!!

    If you need help with a situation like this, let me know. I am here for you. I will help you take your own good advice. I won’t let you just lay there while other people walk all over you.

    Let me help you pick yourself up and realize your worth and the value of your needs as well.

    Wanna talk? Just fill out my Contact Form and we will arrange a mutually convenient time to start your Strength for Sensitive Souls Training!


    Mat photo ©odolphie
    Shoes photo ©Luz Adriana Villa


  • Aren’t YOU a Little Sensitive…


    Ugh. This is one phrase that I cannot stand: Aren’t YOU a little sensitive?

    Um. Yes. Yes I am. Absolutely and unapologetically.

    You see, I was born sensitive. I feel emotions strongly. I react to chemicals and energies and snarky comments from insensitive asshats.

    I am empathetic, intuitive, tuned-in. Things others might miss are quite obvious to me – body language, tone of voice, cues that I don’t have a name for but that I still pick up.

    And I actually think that sensitivity is a blessing, not a flaw. I love being able to connect with others on a level that is really cognizant of and considerate to the depth of the emotions other people have.

    I almost always treat other people kindly – using tact, manners, and… well… sensitivity! I try so hard – even when people are acting like insensitive monsters, I try to just realize that they might be taking their inner turmoil out on whoever happens to pass their way – especially if they know that the person they are spewing at will likely turn the other cheek and walk the fuck away.

    People who radiate negative energy, insulting others any chance they get, are usually the people who ask, ‘Aren’t YOU being sensitive?’

    My question to them is, ‘Aren’t you being INSENSITIVE?’

    If you have a friend or loved one who heaps their negative mojo on you and then asks you, ‘Aren’t you being sensitive?’ when you react, that might be a person you want to avoid as much as possible!

    If someone you adore is the one hurling the manure, have a little chat with him or her to let that person know that the comments that s/he is making really hurt your feelings and you’d like to continue the relationship sans coarse or inconsiderate comments.

    Framing one’s insensitivity as another’s sensitivity can be a sign of verbal abuse at worse, or a cry for help, corrective action, and love at best. If you can, try to limit your interaction with people continue to be disrespectful of your feelings. You don’t need that.

    Create loving boundaries. Protect your feelings. Honor your sensitivity.