Are you letting other people step all over you so that you can be the “nice one”? Cut that out! Really!
This is one thing that I know from TONS of experience!
You decide – from the kindness of your heart – that you are just going to give up your rights to things like gas money, payback for a loan, costs for replacing something someone else destroyed, child support, rent from a relative, your rights – all because you just want to be nice and you don’t really want to cause ripples.
That whole ripple causing thing totally sucks. Standing up for yourself can be really uncomfortable – especially if you are not used to doing it.
Oh yeah. I know. I did this soooo many times.
- I let my daughter’s father off the hook for more than $20,000 in child support because – well because I didn’t want to make an issue of it and I made the decision to keep my daughter and raise her. He didn’t want to pay me even though he wanted to be the first one to make plans to see her and take her away for visitation every. single. time. we visited Indiana, where he and most of my family live. Oh yeah. If I didn’t call him the day we landed he would go bananas.
- I let unmentioned people off of thousands of dollars of debt toward me because I felt that they needed it worse than I did – only to have them hem, haw, and drag their feet when my situation shifted and I actually NEEDED the dough.
- I let people off of paying me for my services even though they had made the promise to pay me or to advertise for me.
- I let people off for missing repeated appointment times with me or being late or just plain old screwing me over for time because I didn’t want to make a fuss.
And you know what? That stuff ticks me off soooo bad – SO BAD! I am fuming just thinking about it! And that is why I don’t allow it anymore.
If you are anything like me – and I bet you are because you are here reading about how to find strength in your sensitivity, then I bet you have played the NICE DOORMAT many, many times in your life.
I bet you are just as fed up and as frustrated with it as I was – but you aren’t sure that you really want to put your own needs forward because that would require potentially making some serious waves – we are talking hang-ten, surfer paradise, giant waves – maybe even tsunamis- and you don’t want to rock the boat even a little.
Well, guess what Sunshine, that person who is walking all over you probably ain’t gonna stop until you stand yourself up and start taking care of your own needs.
That is what this is about: Making sure that your needs get taken care of, too.
Sure, you can be a nice guy and say, “oh, don’t bother… just forget I asked… well, I know it is difficult for you right now…”
But let me ask you some questions…
- When is it your turn?
- When are you going to take care of yourself?
- Will you continue to set your needs aside for the needs of others?
- Are you waiting for Karma to hand you a nice little present for all of your goodness?
Not to poke at Karma at all, because Karma knows that you are a really nice person to begin with. Karma also knows that the butthead that is walking all over you is a butthead. A little Karma isn’t going to stop that person from taking every ounce of advantage of you possible while you are so busy being nice.
Let me ask you another question. How does all that being nice really feel deep down in your belly? Does it feel good and happy (if so, then you probably don’t need to read any further) – or does it make you feel like beating melons with sledgehammers or freaking crying yourself a river and floating away? I have a feeling I know the answer to that question.
You see, being nice at your own expense doesn’t make you feel good. It doesn’t win you any Karmic brownie points. It certainly doesn’t make people respect you.
What it does is freaking makes you push all of that sadness, all of that anger, guilt, frustration, incredulousness toward the way you are being treated down deep into your belly. It can make you think less of yourself. It can make you disrespect yourself – that disrespect shows and is the starting point for how others treat you. It can make you SICK.
It certainly doesn’t serve you.
And you can AVOID this all together!!! Seriously.
Let me give you a totally awesome secret to dealing with this.
I am going to ask you another question:
What would you tell your best friend to do if he or she were in your shoes?
What would your advice to someone you love be about how to handle what you, yourself are going through?
- Would you tell your bestie to just leave it and move on, or would you tell him to get up and slug it out?
- Would you tell her that she has rights too that she needs to stand up for, or would you tell her to just deal with it and move on?
- Would you tell him to go after what is legally or morally his, or would you tell him to just forget it?
- Would you tell her to just pay all that extra cash for someone else’s… (bill, rent, outfit, mistake), or would you tell her that she needs to figure out a way to get her money back or paid in the first place.
- Would you tell your friend to get paid for her services, or would you encourage her to continue to give freebies and let people off for the money they owe her?
See, I KNOW Sensitive Souls! I KNOW that you would be totally, 100% encouraging your friends to stand up for themselves and their rights.
So why don’t you do that for yourself? Why don’t you take your own good advice and run with it?
Listen, I have gone through this exact. same. situation. one too many times, and that is one of the reasons I started this Strength for Sensitive Souls program. I know exactly what you are going through – how you just want to be the nice person and not create such a fuss.
But seriously. The doormat schpiel costs you money, time, health, self-esteem!!
If you need help with a situation like this, let me know. I am here for you. I will help you take your own good advice. I won’t let you just lay there while other people walk all over you.
Let me help you pick yourself up and realize your worth and the value of your needs as well.
Wanna talk? Just fill out my Contact Form and we will arrange a mutually convenient time to start your Strength for Sensitive Souls Training!
Mat photo ©odolphie
Shoes photo ©Luz Adriana Villa