Hold. The. Phone.
This concept is HUGE!
You have to define your boundaries for others to know what they are. HOLY COW!
See, many of us Sensitive Souls have been walking around with our giving natures and generous hearts and not-at-all-well-defined boundaries… and then WE get frustrated from all of the taking that we allowed and often encouraged in the first place. We think that others are quite aware of boundaries because WE are subconsciously super-aware of them.
(I do this myself, so no judgment from me! I am just sharing my epiphany from this morning with y’all!)
The people who we interact with see our souls – they see that we are generous, that we were kind, and that we care for others. And they like that. They like the fact that we are generous – and that we are so quick to share with them. It’s part of their attraction to us.
And we like the fact that we are generous and giving as well. Totally. We see it as a positive characteristic – well, I know I do… up to a point, that is!
Where the issue arises is often where the fence should have been posted – or 50 miles after that! You see, many Sensitive Souls say YES when they mean NO. We give in order to stop another person from hurting – even when we are aware that our generosity will hurt us. We have boundary issues. Major boundary issues.
And we need to learn to say NO! and honor our own needs, instead of getting frustrated when we are just so tired of giving to the same people over and over again. We need to create and enforce boundaries that protect us from others – and from ourselves!
We also need to be prepared to allow relationships to evolve – or even fall away – as we learn to honor and implement our boundaries.
I know that is one of the reasons we hesitate to create firm boundaries to begin with – because we fear losing the people we care the most for – BUT we have to be willing to allow ourselves to see our relationships as they are – how they serve others and how they serve us. Our needs have to be a part of the equation, too.
And in order to make sure that our own obligations and desires are honored, we Sensitive Souls have to establish firm boundaries.
And it’s HARD!! Oh dear Lord, is it hard!
But it is necessary. And it does get easier with practice.
Despite what we might think/hope/pray, other people just aren’t going to know where our pleasure stops and our pain begins until we tell them. We have to be willing to let them know our limitations so that they can 1) understand that we HAVE boundaries to begin with and 2) heed them. If they don’t know where our boundaries lie, of course they will step all over them. It’s our responsibility to point them out.
We can’t deny all of our rights and even our needs in order to please others. It just doesn’t work. Well, let’s say it might work for others, but it certainly doesn’t work for us.